Bruce Kramer and our faculty member Molly Bachman share not just a smile but a sensation during a recent adaptive yoga class. Notice that by pulling gently on Bruce’s heel, while also grounding his femur bone gently into his hip, Molly increases the sensation flowing through Bruce’s legs to his spine. Hence, the smiles.
Bruce Kramer is one of my students of a lifetime. He was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) in December of 2010. This debilitating condition does not attack one’s cognitive faculties, but sufferers gradually lose all physical abilities. Usually an inability to breathe is what becomes fatal. Once diagnosed, the average life expectancy is 2-5 years. As the former Dean of Education, Leadership and Counseling at the University of Saint Thomas, Bruce did not pass on an opportunity to lead and educate. In an on-going radio series with MPR’s Cathy Wurzer, he has been sharing his journey of living and dying with ALS.
Bruce started in adaptive yoga classes at Mind Body Solutions in 2012. Using our approach, we have been helping him discover a level of subtle, inward but vibrant sensation throughout his entire body. This is happening despite an outrageous and unforgiving loss of physical ability. He is connecting to the core of who he is in both mind and body. He would say this is happening for the first time in life.
Those are the facts. For me, the real story lies elsewhere.
I have been traveling alongside of Bruce Kramer – two travelers within the ever-changing mind-body relationship. It turns out that my severed spinal cord thirty-five years ago and my nearly twenty-three years of practicing yoga have proved useful for Bruce on his unimaginable journey. That is one of the secrets of being his yoga teacher. I must not imagine ahead. I must meet him where is, not where I fear he is going. If I imagine forward, if I try to steady myself by preparing for what is coming, I do so at the risk of leaving his side. I will not leave his side. So my heart breaks as we ride through the present together.
My life’s work with Mind Body Solutions cannot change his outcome. This has been quite a lesson. I can only affect the quality of his journey. I can only help him become energetically whole while he is living through fatal loss. But I wonder who is becoming whole, who really is the student in our relationship?
I remember the moment our relationship transformed. I was teaching an adaptive yoga class at the Courage Center. I said to the whole class, “Something precedes, something in our mind-body relationship precedes all of this.” I turned to Bruce and whispered it again. “Something precedes…” As our gazes gently locked, I knew that I had company. His company allowed the truth of my words to land more deeply in me. Our connection was sealed.
Bruce and I will be having a public conversation, moderated by Cathy Wurzer, on October 29th in Wolfe Hall on the University of St. Thomas’ Saint Paul campus. The program begins at 7:30 and admission is free. TPT will cover and rebroadcast the conversation and probably MPR as well. The topic will be living vibrantly in our bodies as they change.
The past few weeks Bruce has experienced an acceleration of physical loss. His latest blog is entitled “Endgames.” http://diseasediary.wordpress.com/author/emerkram/
I knew he had been down at the Mayo Clinic. I asked him how it went. He unexpectedly offered humor, “Well, it’s official. I am losing the battle with ALS.” Inwardly, I drop to my knees. Outwardly I don’t miss a beat, “You’re kidding me…when did this happen?” We share a beautiful fit of laughter.
Who is the student, who is the teacher, who’s on first, what’s on second. All I do know is that beauty, humanity, and opportunity run abound in Bruce’s story…but only if we are ready. Only if we are ready to meet him in the present without the safeguard of feeling sympathy. There will be time to grieve later. The heart-breaking comedy of living continues. I’ll see you on October 29th.