It is always amazing when you feel like you have entered a new era/level and acknowledge what is pushing or pulling you forward and you didn’t even know you were ready to be there. I am currently a couple of weeks into another round of PT to address achilles tendonitis, after only 3 months since the last round ended. Despite having done the exercises, tried to moderate activity (always a tough item!) and stretching I am back. This time the person I had seen before and who to my delight had designed a program that I thought was “the” answer has a student working with her. Today after my appointment I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling so utterly frustrated, and then the reason came to me while I was unwinding; with the student I feel like I am just an inflamed tendon. She is nervous, I get it, being a student of course means you are just beginning, but I want to have a conversation with her next time she works with me, about being more than a tendon.
That by itself, is pretty much a shocker for me, usually with the medical establishment I have a very hard time communicating unless I am really, really comfortable and have established a relationship where I feel I can trust the person. Believe me, that takes a while. I want to find a way to gently encourage her to broaden her gaze, to take more into account, to understand or at least be willing to explore more. I am not angry at her, I am just feeling like I am more than just a tendon and I am compelled to share that. But how? What words will start the bridge? I am a teacher, I should be able to communicate effectively! I should have the words and eloquently open her eyes to all of myself and the people she will work with in the future. But I don’t right now, but the fact that I will have this conversation is totally amazing to me, and I blame it squarely on the yoga!
The words will probably come, although I don’t know what outcome I want exactly. Not exactly helpful, but very real. So I will mine the knowledge I know exists, I will work to find the words and see if I can bring this frustration to the light and make something a little different happen.