“In New York, freedom looks like too many choices,” goes the U2 song entitled New York from the album All That You Can’t Leave Behind. I think the same illusion holds for being a consumer at a big grocery store in the United States.
This brings me to plastic bags. I swear to god, it’s drives me very close to over-the-edge. First of all, I am forced to use more plastic bags than I would like. This is due to sanitary reasons and having to intermittently catheterize myself to empty my bladder. If I were smart, I would use two new bags every day, but instead I try to stretch two bags for three days, sometimes longer. Why you ask? Because I can still feel the weight of the fact that the half-life of plastic is something like six million years. That is an incredibly long swallow for the Earth. Convenience, not even the importance of my own health, can’t fully save me from this feeling.
My point is that sitting in front of the plastic bag section of the grocery store aisle is torture – too many f#%&ing choices. I need two sizes of clear plastic bags – one smaller, one bigger. Do I know the difference between snack size, sandwich size, one-pint, quart, one gallon, or two gallons? How zip-lock bags, freezer storage, regular sandwich bags, and on and on? The problem exacerbates as I live with the pressure that a mistake means thirty f%#%ing bags and at least one hundred and fifty days. I remember when I accidentally grabbed a box of two-gallon freezer bags. Every time I pulled out my catheter, I felt like I should have packed an overnight bag.
Recently, the Powers-That-Be hatched another diabolical addition to the confusion. Have you seen the zip-lock bags with the easy-opening tabs? Oh my god, they don’t work…THEY DON’T WORK, not if you reuse your bags. The tab rips and then the bag is five times harder to open. Apparently these bags are thought to be an innovation because I can’t even find bags without the easy-opening tabs, at least not ones that don’t disintegrate upon first human contact. Have you heard tomorrow’s likely headline: MAN IN WHEELCHAIR SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS IN GROCERY STORE AISLE.
The problem is not confined to plastic bags. Have you been to the fancy mustard section? The choices are mind-boggling. One false move and you have a hidden jar taking space in your frig for three years. The pressure is overwhelming. With respect to mustard, I have simply cut my losses. I do not venture into unknown territory so I get the same brand every time. I have reconciled myself to the fact that there is better mustard out there and I will never know it.
And then the toothpaste….OH MY GOD, the options with toothpaste! I just want a fluoride paste that doesn’t burn my gums and a taste that doesn’t make me throw up. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable…but how do you choose?
I guess my point is that, somewhere along the line, we got lost. Freedom is not necessarily more choices. Freedom is a mind-body sensation, a calming feeling of expanse, hope, and possibility. My advice is to not go looking for it in the grocery store.